There is now an almost daily stream of stories about the way that celebrities, politicians and big brands use twitter. Many of the media stories are ill-informed or naive. It is no wonder that so many non-tweeters then form a distorted view as to what twitter is all about.

There is a similarity with the media obsession with sex. Real life sex, especially as part of a loving relationship, is very different from what many celebrities seem to get upto.  In the same way, real life use of twitter is very different from the ideas promulgated by much of the media. I doubt if many of these stories tempt the non-twitter user to find out more about twitter. On the contrary, all of the well publicised tweets by politicians and celebrities probably act as a disincentive.

Hence my realisation that talking about twitter is like talking about sex.

When an avid tweeter tries to explain what is involved and who might want to get involved it can sound quite unpleasant, messy and confusing…. “Each tweeter reads and writes short email-like messages of less than 140 characters. Each tweet contain views and experiences which are seen by a subset of the people following the tweeter or searching for comments on a specific subject”.

This  is accurate but uninspiring. Just like when we try to explain sex to our children. Even if you manage to describe the mechanics of the act, it doesn’t exactly leave them with any notion about why so many people are so enthusiastic about it.

The analogy can be stretched further.

Most people are a little hesitant at first. They try it once or twice and are not sure whether or not they like it. They’re a bit bemused as to why so many people seem to rave about it.

Some people keep trying and after a while they find that it’s really quite fun and pleasurable. Others give up as they don’t enjoy it at all. That’s their choice, but the rest of us think they are probably missing out.

Beginners still tend to be clumsy until they’ve had a fair amount of feedback, often from tweeters with more experience.

Many people then get to the stage with tweeting where they can’t get enough of it. Frequent tweeters may even snigger at those poor saddos who only tweet occasionally.

You can read or look at all the stuff about sex you want, but if you’ve never had it, you simply have no idea what it’s really like.

It’s best not to tweet when you’re drunk as you can regret it the next morning. And you may get involved in topics you’d normally avoid when sober.

You need to vary your tweeting technique to avoid it getting repetitive and boring.

Sex is not about just getting something from others. You have to give. In fact, giving can be just as good as “getting,” right? Twitter is much the same.  If you just show up and start shouting about what you can do for people you might as well stay off Twitter. But if you go looking to give to others, there is more chance that you will accumulate followers and grow your network.

You know those desperate self publicists at the party who will sleep with just about anybody, but nobody ever wants to take them up on it? There are similar people on Twitter, too. You will recognise them by their tweets which will consist primarily of links to their own blog posts and websites. Most of us choose to stay away from the easy, cheap and sleazy.

Although we tend to think that our efforts will be appreciated, there’s no substitute for good positive feedback.

Don’t try to fake it. If you’re not really into a topic don’t bother pretending in order to please your followers. They can tell the difference.

The analogy isn’t perfect – and I’ve stretched it a little I know. Feel free to add your own thoughts as comments below.

NB: On 23rd February 2012 Mark is speaking at two masterclasses in London addressing (respectively) The ‘Why bother?’ side of social media and The ‘How to?’ side of social media. One of them will be right for you. Full details here.